OK – so I had a little knock-back. I got “released” from a “pencilled” filming date. Reason? A scene re-write. It felt like someone had stuck a pin in my balloon though, just when I was showing it off to my friends.
It’s fine though, cos I had a nice email saying they’ll pick me for other dates. And guess what! True to their word, I have just had another pencil date for next week. On the strength of this I have registered with two other casting agencies and been accepted onto the register of one of these – the other is still pending.
My balloon has re-inflated!
It all suddenly feels good again and I am able to work on marketing my book, Not Alcoholic, But… and writing more content for my sales training course. At home! The luxury of it feels like a hot bath in winter. Except of course, it’s Spring – the season of hope.
None of this would be possible without the financial freedom that quitting alcohol has given me in the last 3 years. That’s the bedrock of everything. It’s a bedrock that has allowed me to build some modest blocks to work on and earn a little money doing things I enjoy. Now, after some considerable time of trying to get these projects off the ground, in sobriety, I can sence the possibilities and I feel excited. Things are at at last starting to happen, and I may never have to go back to conventional 9-5 work for some hideous corporate outfit, ever again.
But I realise that in the last 3 years I have been working on the psychological building blocks too. I would never have had the patience in my drinking days to stick to a simple plan for very long. As soon as I saw some potential I would get carried away and start drinking the profits in wild celebration before I had earned a penny. Then I’d have given up on the idea and sulked. I’d have borrowed some more money from somewhere at the same time. Life was always a roller-coaster of soaring highs and desperate lows.
I have learned to live sober on a calm, even level. I appreciate simple things like good food, exercise, sleep, coffee, chocolate, hot baths, reading – and the appreciation is almost on a spiritual level. It’s not a replacement for alcohol – it’s completely different and far more fulfilling.
So this new excitement in my life , the background artiste work – feels like a high of the old kind, but this time round I feel able to cope with it. It’s also an intensely sociable activity involving hours of sitting around with strangers, and I’m giddy in my enjoyment of it all. In the past that wouldn’t have been possible because the intensity would have sent me straight to the bottle for a confidence boost and to hide behind an alcoholic mask – not drunk necessarily – but anesthetised. But now I just feel fine being me. And I’m able to really enjoy the emotional surge too.
Thank God for my sobriety! It’s such a gift.